Dear 2021

I can say it is too late already to greet 2021. Hell yeah, this is February 2021. It should be in the early 2021 I wrote this "Dear 2021".

But, let me just do it. 

Dear 2021,

There were so many things happened in 2020.

Pandemic started and is still happening till now.

I made a very big decision to leave my job in Taiwan (accidently it was happened just like that).

Joined some job tests until the final step and almost signed the contract (one of it is Indofood, like holy cow I rejected it).

Did a government test and waited so long for an uncertainty.

and finally, I am here in Jembrana, Bali.

I passed the government test for the lecture position. It is nonsense because I didn't even realize that I was placed in Bali until my brother, Tommy, told me.

I felt happy and sad in the same time. Happy for I did it. Sad for I stayed far from my family and Anggi.

Before I came and started working, I had so many things that I wanted to do like researches and so on.

After one month, I realized it is gonna be hard for me to do research because there are no space for that. I mean no equipment, no tools, not even an analytical scale that I can use to do research.

Even at the first coming, it was stated that I have to do things out of my main job as a lecture.

I feel like "what?!" 

But then, I realize that the main purpose I wanna be a lecture is to help students get a better life and to teach them with all knowledge and experience that I have.

Here I am, I am placed in the boarding school with most of the students are from the low class. Their fathers are fishermen or workers in other's fish boat.

I was told that their intelligence is not in average. I have to work very hard to teach them even for a simple thing. But let me see it, how it is gonna be because I am actually clueless with that statement.

For real, is that what I want before? To teach unlucky people, to help them, to increase their life-grade. 

Doing research, a good research, it is my ambition or I can say its orientation is myself, not others. 

Then, I learn to stop complaining.

I don't get a chance yet to teach the students. No students here because of pandemic. Sooner, I will face it, to teach them and to focus on how to increase their value to be accepted in public.

But still, there is a question inner me asking if I will live here or not. Will I forever be here? or what ?

No answer or maybe it is too early to answer. 

Let time help me to find the answer. 

Pray should be the priority. For God the only one who knows about the future.

Anyway, I have so many new friends here. I hope I could build a good relationship and I don't become a shitty person.

Even though one month has passed. I wanna say "Dear 2021, please be nice".

The Most Valuable Thing God Has Given Me

Before I was thinking like crazy what I was doing. This world is in pandemic, the situation is not okay yet to decide for leaving. When everybody wants to find a safety place to stay during pandemic, when everybody wishes for a good financial life to live, I decided to take all in the opposite.

Do I feel stressed? Yes I do.
Do I feel like a dumb-ass? Definitely, I do.
Do I overthink like what the hell it is gonna be? I DO! ~even until this time when I write this caption.

But every time I am with them. I feel happy. I enjoy and feel relax (but sometimes feel worry of my life tho).
I do the same thing all the time, like every day. I tell you it is so boring yet happy.

Maybe I am like a kid. When she gets a beautiful gift for whatever she does, she will be always with that gift. She is afraid of losing it. What an un-mature life it is. That should not be me in this age. Unfortunately, that is me.

I hope when the time is there, when I read this again someday. I regret nothing.

At least, let me enjoy this pandemic period with my favorite people. Trying to cook some new recipe. Finishing project that is still running. Overall, I am so grateful for God present them into my life 😍